Cognitive Challenges
It's all the brain functions you need to be a productive 9-5 cog in the machine: memory, self-regulation, a sense of time etc., but also fun stuff about processing feelings!
Alexythymia
Alexithymia is difficulty with identifying or describing emotions. It may feel like there's not enough vocabulary to accurately describe how you feel or that you don't know what the feeling is. You may therefore have difficulty expressing emotions in a socially appropriate way.
I've noticed that when I'm asked about my emotional state if I'm unsure, I'll make assumptions about my mental state based on physical factors from my day. For example, when asked, "Have you been overstimulated today?" I might answer, "I don't know, but I was home all day." This implies that I'm not overstimulated, but I don't know how I feel. I could also say, "I cried, so that must mean I'm sad," or "I was restless, so that means I'm anxious." These assumptions are often wrong, as actions can have multiple meanings or causes. For example, people may tell me I'm happy because I'm laughing, but internally I don't like the way I feel. This can lead me to believe that happiness feels terrible.
Cognitive Overload
Cognitive overload is the term I use to describe the feeling of being overwhelmed caused by multiple stressors. This can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns. Autistics often have a higher stress baseline than neurotypicals, due to masking, difficulty with change and communication, social differences, and hypersensitivity. The more sensory input, the higher the stress level. Uncertainty, lack of control, multiple expectations, loneliness, executive dysfunction, new things in the routine, and vague plans can all add to this stress. Autistics often don't have enough room to process all of these stressors. It can take longer to process, so stressors can come in faster than they can be dealt with.
Task Completion
Many autistics can relate to the concept that some tasks are easier to complete than others. Neurotypicals might take longer to do something that an autistic can do quickly, and vice versa. For example, I can finish an assignment to a high standard in a few hours, but it can take me up to half a day to do the dishes. This is because I am more interested in and challenged by learning and writing than doing the dishes. Neurotypicals, on the other hand, are likely to find it easier to do the dishes than work on an assignment.
Dissociating
“Zoning out" is similar to daydreaming or losing focus. You may need to be aware of your surroundings or notice someone trying to get your attention. However, it is usually relatively easy to snap out of.
Dissociating is more severe. It is often described as a disconnection between your body and your mind, where you have no control - like being in the passenger seat, except the car is your body. It can also impact your memory, make you feel disorientated, and affect your perception of time. Both might be connected with overstimulation, and may result in a shutdown.
Executive Dysfunction
Executive dysfunction is wanting to carry out a task but just not being able to. It is common for autistics to struggle with executive functioning, especially if they also have ADHD. It impacts our ability to plan, start and stay on task, stay organized, motivated, regulated, and adjust actions according to the situation.
In a sense, what might seem like just one task for one person might become several difficult tasks for someone who struggles with executive functioning. For example, making a cup of coffee (one task) might become: "I went to make coffee. That requires getting a mug out of the cupboard, coffee out of the pantry, milk from the fridge, and a spoon from the drawer. Then I have to boil the kettle. But the kettle is empty, so I need to fill it first. But the sink is full of dirty dishes, so I need to do the dishes. That requires taking the dishes out of the sink to fill it up with soapy water. Are there dishes anywhere else around the house? I need to clean my room," ... and so on. By the end, so much information and stuff needs to be done that the original task feels overwhelming and paralyzing.
Even if the autistic person manages to start the task, information may still be coming through faster than they can handle. An individual who struggles with executive dysfunction may start each new task as it comes to mind while simultaneously forgetting about the original task. This could become dangerous if the initial task was cooking or ironing. Another form of executive dysfunction is when the person is aware of their tasks but unable to prioritize them correctly. All tasks and steps are given equal priority, making it hard to start anything. Steps may be approached out of order - for example, pouring a drink before getting a cup out. Or the person may be unable to switch from the task they are currently focused on, even if something more urgent arises.
Fairness
Some autistics strongly desire equality and fairness, which may carry over into seemingly unimportant situations. For example, my autistic teenage niece meticulously analyzes her plate compared to her brother’s to ensure they get the same amount of food. Autistics may be so driven by a desire for equality that it overrides everything else, even if it may seem petty and a waste of time. However, this can be a positive trait, as some autistics may have a hard time advocating for themselves but can be strong advocates for others when they see injustice.
Indecisiveness/decision paralysis
Autistics may come across as indecisive, often responding with “I don’t know” no matter how many times they are asked. There are several reasons for this, such as:
There are too many questions or too many options
Genuinely not knowing, or mind being genuinely blank
Having trouble figuring out how they feel and need time to process
Having gotten in trouble for giving the wrong answer before and wanting to avoid that outcome
Overthinking all of the factors and products involved
Trying to fit in and being unsure if their answer is socially correct
While a neurotypical person may enjoy having a range of choices or the freedom to come up with their own possibilities, an autistic person may become overwhelmed by multiple options. For example, something as simple as "What do you want to eat today?" can be too big a question. It can be challenging to think about what to choose from, especially when verbally presented with too many options. It's like opening too many internet tabs at once; the system may eventually shut down. Many autistics need to know their options, but only a few at a time. Having them written down can be helpful, or having someone help to narrow the list down can make it easier to manage.
Interest-based Nervous System
Many neurodivergents have an interest-based nervous system, while neurotypicals tend to have an importance-based nervous system. This means that neurodivergents are motivated to complete a task when they find it interesting. This could be due to curiosity, being challenged, a fascinating topic, or something that falls within their core values. When the interest wears off, so does the motivation. Neurotypicals, however, often gain motivation from the importance of a task: things that are important to them, their boss, their goals, personal gain, or something that falls within their core values. This can lead to a lack of understanding between people who are motivated in different ways.
Managing multiple expectations
Placing expectations on yourself is one thing, but having multiple expectations from others can be overwhelming for anyone, autistic or not. For an autistic person, this is even more stressful due to many additional factors. If these expectations are expressed verbally, we may only be able to remember some of them (see verbal memory). If the expectations are unspoken, the stress is self-explanatory. We may misinterpret what is expected of us if it is not expressed explicitly. Autistic people may also not know how to prioritize these expectations, as our idea of what comes first may not align with the priorities of our neurotypical acquaintances. It can be helpful if expectations are written out in order of importance to those with them. This makes them more transparent and draws attention to whether or not they can be fulfilled.
It also means that the person with the expectations can't return later and say they never existed. This is called gaslighting, and it happens to autistics too often. Most of the time, they will believe they must have made things up, putting them in a high-stress position. They think it's their fault for being unable to somehow automatically know the actual expectations, like everyone else - when other people need to communicate better and be aware that their words may be taken seriously and literally by some of us.
Need for Precise Instructions
Neurotypicals often ask for things in as few words as possible yet still, understand each other. It's like they have a shared, unspoken language they can all understand, yet they forget it exists. As a result, when they ask an autistic person to do something, and the instructions are taken literally, it may be seen as the autistic person's fault for not understanding the underlying implied expectations. Autistics need instructions to be given as literally as possible, without unspoken extras. We are not automatically linked to the world of things that neurotypicals think are implied or common sense. It may be common sense to a neurotypical, but it may not be to an autistic.
Similarly, what is common knowledge for an autistic may not be evident to a neurotypical. This applies to more than just instructions - explanations, conflict, and social interactions. In situations where things may be implied, autistics usually need people to say precisely what they mean. Most autistics mean what they say in a literal sense. There is usually only an underlying message if they are masking and have learned to say things that mean something else.
Need for Rules
Many autistics prefer and seek out rules in settings that most others don't. This is likely because we don't intuitively pick up on social cues and expectations, so without rules, we can find ourselves in confusing and uncomfortable situations. Rules help us make sense of our environment and stay out of trouble.
We might want rules for play, routine tasks, social situations, etc. It's tough for us to keep up if rules constantly change, and everyone else seems to know what those changes are without discussing them. The rules need to be logical, or they can be hard to follow.
Many of us are happy to stick to any boundaries you set, but we need them to be clearly communicated. Boundaries help us to know when we are overstepping or being annoying. For example, let me know if you don't want me to text you on a particular day. If you're on a call or meeting and need me to be quiet, say, "I'm on the phone, so I need you to be quiet." I can see that you're on the phone, but I don't know what that means for me unless you tell me. Instead of hinting that you need to leave or that you're busy, say that you need to go. Respect me when I say I need to leave too. And don't say, "It'll only take a minute" or "just one more second" because those phrases are rarely used literally. Just say what you mean.
Object Constancy
Some individuals may experience a degree of lack of object constancy. This is your ability to remember things that are not presently visible. It is similar to how an infant is unaware that something they cannot see still exists (object permanence). This is more common with ADHD, but there is a lot of overlap. This can be summarized as "out of sight, out of mind."
For example, if you cannot see the leftovers in the back of the fridge, you'll forget until it is too late to eat them, and then they need to be thrown away. To manage this, a neurodivergent person might keep their belongings so that all or most items are regularly visible. This may seem messy and disorganized to others, but it's best left alone if it is a safety hazard. If someone else moves or cleans up our items, we can find it really overwhelming, as we may have a hard time remembering what we are even looking for since we can't see it.
This is also one reason we may not take the initiative regarding tasks involving other people's belongings. For example, I don't want you to move my things, so I will only move yours if you ask me to and tell me where everything goes.
This lack of object constancy, unfortunately, sometimes carries over to things like responding to text messages or even forgetting about people.
Processing Conversation
Some autistics may take longer to process and understand conversation than a neurotypical does. This could be for various reasons, but these are some of the ones I've noticed and heard from others. First, some autistics have a slower processing speed (including me). It's how their brain works. Cognitive load (e.g., having to be more formal, having to remember multiple instructions, or having to remember a date and time) can make processing speed slower, and it may take time to fully process what is being said. For some, occasionally, words sound like a foreign language. Literally. You hear words but they make no sense. This can happen to varying degrees. Sometimes, you hear the words but without meanings attached to them. Sometimes the words don't sound like words at all.
Some autistics may take longer to process conversation because they are trying to figure out if they are interpreting it correctly. Sometimes what they hear from an autistic perspective doesn't make sense in the context of the situation, and they may be trying to translate it into what it means from a neurotypical perspective. Some autistics have reduced thought-space to figure out conversation. For some, there is so much consuming their mental capacity that it just takes a bit longer. This is especially true if the person is hypersensitive and is in a high-sensory environment. It can be frustrating in group social settings, because by the time they think of a response or something to add, the conversation has already moved on. People tend to assume they're shy or have nothing to add, but they just need a bit more time to think about it and an opportunity to say what they want. Being given an opportunity is important because many autistics struggle with finding a space to speak without interrupting anyone.
Rigid Thinking
Rigid thinking is when someone operates under the idea that there is only one correct solution, order, or way to do everything - their way. This could be as small as being unable to wear shoes at home. Likewise, the laundry has to be done in a certain way or at a specific time.
Rigid thinkers are often seen as stubborn; they aren’t easily convinced and don’t consider other options or quickly change their minds. Instead, they must reach their own conclusion. This is also why change and unmet expectations can cause anxiety.
Story Memory
Story memory refers to an individual's ability to recall a story they have read or heard. People with poor story memory may not be able to answer questions related to the story. Poor story memory can be misinterpreted as not listening.
This can be a struggle, regardless of age, but you may have noticed it in elementary school when most of us are tested for it during some standardized testing. However, I am an adult and still have difficulty with this. It isn't that I'm bad at reading comprehension - I cannot recall what I have read if it's not directly in front of me.
Routine
Having a routine or schedule is essential t for many autistics. It provides stability and familiarity, helping us to remember tasks such as eating and using the toilet. It also allows us to plan for times to regulate and do what we want. A routine is consistent and reliable when the world around us is not.
Overall, having a routine and schedule reduces stress and increases our capacity to handle other stressors. Some really good visual scheduling apps can be helpful, such as Tiimo.
Too many questions
Being asked too many questions can be overwhelming, similar to being given too many options. Sometimes, we need more time to process each question before another one is asked. This can happen because the person asks several questions in a row before allowing space for an answer, or because the autistic person needs more time to process what's been said and their silence is misinterpreted. In either situation, the questions are still slowly being processed in the background and adding more can put the autistic person into a state of overload, causing them to shut down completely. It can be helpful to check if the person needs more time or is ready to move on. This is an additional question, so keep it a yes or no question. If the person isn't ready to move on or needs more time to think, then be quiet. The more you talk, the more there is to process.
Travelling
Travelling can be a nightmare for some autistic people (including Maria). While neurotypicals might find travelling a pleasant break or even relaxing, it can be quite the opposite for autistic people. Travelling often removes routine and familiar environments and often comes with unexpected changes. Planning and preparing for everything when travelling can be difficult, as it can be hard to know what to expect, and it often involves some level of spontaneity. All of these factors can cause a lot of stress for autistics.
Verbal Memory
It is common for autistics to have exceptional memory in some areas and contexts. However, recalling verbal instructions, lists, or lessons may be difficult. It's not that we aren't listening; it's just that some of our brains struggle to store information given in a purely verbal format. Alternatively, some autistics can recall everything that is said but not necessarily process everything. It can be a bit like hearing a foreign language because the words are just sounds without meanings attached to them yet. Having information written down or displayed visually can be beneficial in either situation.
Tried & True Cognitive Hacks
(from your fellow autistic girlies in suffering)
Make a plan for the day or week.
Create a checklist of tasks to complete.
Have step-by-step, visual instructions for tasks that need to be done regularly, and stick to a routine or schedule to complete them.
Download an app that gives reminders about tasks.
Executive dysfunction
Managing multiple expectations
It can be helpful if expectations are written out in order of importance to those with them. This makes them more transparent and draws attention to whether or not they can be fulfilled. Also, don’t be afraid to ask other people to communicate more clearly. Let them be aware that their words may be taken seriously and literally by some of us.
Cognitive Overload
One helpful tool is to list all the stressors and create a plan for dealing with as many as possible. This can include setting times for sensory regulation, making an action plan for resolving stressors, or just getting an explanation for things that weren't understood. Sometimes, a break, time alone, or time to recover is needed.
set reminders
make it a routine, or task-batch it
set routines around it (e.g. after I get dressed, I eat breakfast)
allow yourself to eat "grazing" foods (well-balanced/filling snacks that will provide nourishment but will not require much prep, and can be eaten without stepping away from what you're doing, such as carrots & hummus, or crackers & cheese & grapes. fancy!)
Tending to our basic needs (aka self-care)
A Sensory Diet
Having a sensory diet means using tools to prepare for, manage, or recover from activities that are either over- or understimulating. Sensory tools, stimulation, or lack of stimulation can help regulate and avoid feeling overwhelmed. For example, using headphones or noise-cancelling earplugs to manage excessive sound. For a hypersensitive person, it might mean allowing time for something soothing before or after an overstimulating activity: music, quiet, foods, smells, small spaces, being in the dark, climbing, stimming, proprioceptive input, vestibular input, or anything else that is helpful. Here is a list of different sensory regulation tools. These can be options for a sensory diet, depending on what works for you:
1. pressure-related: weighted blanket, body sock, massage ball, weighted stuffed animals, sensory sheet, Sensory swing, weighted lap paD 2. sound-related: noise-cancelLing headphones/earplugs, rain or ocean drum, music, instruments
3. fidget-related: stress ball, bubble pop fidget, play dough, magnetic fidget rings, fidget cube, infinity cube, building blocks
4. movement-related: scooter board, wobble cushion, wobble stool, spinning chair, climbing frame
5. other: bubbles, bubble tube lamp, lava lamp, indoor tent, chewelry (soft, silicone jewelry you can chew discreetly), scented candles, pets